chastitybelts.com That's all I've got to say.
There was an article in our local paper about a convicted sex offender that was just arrested for coaching a children's softball league. Deeper into the article it tells you that this man was arrested when he was 18 for having sex with an under age girl. He claims it was consensual and the article never states how old the girl was at the time. But because he was arrested for statutory rape, this man is considered a sex offender and cannot take jobs that involve children. A fact that escaped his mind when he signed up to coach his twelve year old daughter's softball league. I don't know how his arrest record came to light, but this man now fears that his kids will be tormented unmercifully about a decision he made as a teenager.
I'm not claiming to have any anwers here. This slope is more slippery than one paved with grease and covered in oil. But the subject of teenagers and their boyfriends has recently entered my world and it's a scary place to be.
Before school ended, one of Jasmine's friends moved to the next town over. She never said goodbye, never called, and didn't return calls either. We just assumed she had moved on and that relationship was done. Yesterday, she called. Her mom had to work the night shift as a nurse and wanted her to sleep over our house. Jasmine was thrilled at the idea. Jazz got off the phone and said that her friend wanted to be picked up at 5pm.
"Why 5? Doesn't her mom go to work at 2?" I asked.
"Yeah, but she's going to hang out with her boyfriend and do chores until then."
This 14 year old girl's boyfriend is 17. And her mom thought it was fine that they spend several hours alone together.
"He's really sweet and her mom totally trusts them together." Jasmine told me.
He could be the Pope's godson but he still wants to have sex with her daughter."Yup," my husband agreed "And if they're left alone long enough, he will too."
I tend to have more of a Flying Nun attitude with my girls (you want to soar around and see the sights? Great! Just wear a long black dress and remember the Mother Superior while you do it.) but there seems no point in setting them up for failure. A three year age difference is nothing when you are 19 and 22, or 30 and 33. Hell, with adults, I could not care less what the ages are. You go Anna Nicole! If you want to ride the wheelchair of some 90 year old guy so you can have his share of the pie when he's gone, more power to you. But 14 and 17 is a marked difference. If memory serves teenage boys are horn dogs ("True, very true" my husband agrees again) and chances are the 17 year old has had some more experience than his younger counterparts. Why would you want to put your daughter in a situation were she has to make the really tough choices about her behavior with a boy she likes and doesn't want to dissapoint?
Maybe he's a nice boy. I don't know because she wouldn't let me in the door to meet him. Jasmine met him. She told me later that night that when she and her friend ran back inside for her pocketbook, the boyfriend was still there.
"He's cute. And really nice." She told me.
"That's nice, I'm glad." I said "But 12 and 17 is an inappropriate age difference and I don't want you to spend any time with him." She nodded. She knows our rules and how her father and I feel about this subject.
So I don't have any real answers. Should the 40 year old who had sex as a teenager, with another teenager, be allowed to coach his daughter's softball league? Probably. The bigger issue seems that teenagers can't really understand the consequences of their actions and how it will affect their futures. One sweaty, 2 minute interlude in the back of your Honda Civic will embarass your future child and have her friend's parents calling you a sex offender. Not fair? Welcome to life, kiddo.