I am such a idiot

I have become such a wimp since I had kids. Some things that never bothered before, things that wouldn't even give me pause a few years ago, are just too much now. Like amusement rides. I was the queen of those. Flipping, spinning, flying through the air with no more than a canvas strap and a carnie's approval for safety was no problem. Now? I have an irrational fear that I'll be killed and my kids will be motherless. Plus, they make me a little ill. I was also the horror movie fanatic. Guts, gore, ghosts with an agenda - bring 'em on! Now? I still say bring it on, but it's a little more meek and spoken through a good sturdy pillow. My husband sometimes looks at me in disgust and says "Where did my fearless girlfriend go?" You married her, pal. And worse yet, you kicked her hormones into gear by getting her pregnant a couple of times.

So we're at the mall yesterday and my oldest decides that she wants to get her ears pierced for a second time. She's twelve, she has her own money, so why not? We get in line behind this woman and her family. I noticed that the woman filling out the paperwork already has pierced ears. I look at her two year old and her ears are pierced, too. The husband doesn't really look the part, so I check out the stroller. Sure enough the cute and chubby little baby's ears are not pierced. My stomach starts to feel a little sick and I tell Jasmine maybe we should do this at home. We start to walk away and Jasmine is clearly disappointed. "Do you really want to have this done?" I ask her. "Yes, I really do" she tells me, so we head back to the kiosk.

By now, the woman has paid the fee and is getting the baby out of the stroller. "I've got to get my husband to hold her because she is gonna squirm." She tells me. The husband takes the baby inside the booth and I start thinking Shit, they're really going to do this. Baby is all smiles while the nice girl in the booth makes little marker points on her ears. Then she loads the gun and says "Ready?" to the dad. I can't look away. I know that baby is going to scream and I can't look away. She squeezes the gun and I feel my breath catch. At first, there's no noise, and for a second I think she's going to be one of those babies that just doesn't cry at this stuff. Then I see her little leg go stiff and she screams. And I start crying. I just couldn't help it. I know, I'm such a idiot. I turned away, but the damage was done. The baby's mom had already seen me.

"She'll be over it in five minutes, you know." she told me. You could hear the defensiveness in her voice.

"Oh, I know, I know. She looks so cute. Good job, baby!" I try to smile as I wipe my eyes. They loaded the kids back in the stroller and walk away. I can see the mom's furrowed brow as she heads down the hall. I feel guilty.

"I think I made her feel bad." I say to my husband.

"Ya think?" He says. "Her baby's ears were pierced and you cried."

I don't even have a problem with piercing kids ears. It's not a choice I would make for my baby, but there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, it looks very cute. I have just become an incredible pussy about certain things. And babies in pain is one of them. I cried at every immunization when the girls were babies. The nurse would pick up the empty syringes and look at me and say "Are you going to be ok?"

Jasmine was up next and she was nervous. "That kid screamed. It must have hurt. I hope I don't cry like that."

"You do, and I'll laugh at you." I tell her, trying to lighten her mood.

"Oh sure, you'll cry at a stranger's kid..." It was over with in a minute and she didn't feel a thing.