The truth hurts.
This afternoon I was driving my oldest daughter to pick up one of her friends. She was telling me that to tease her, a boy in her class calls her "masterbator". The term is similar to our last name. I'm trying to teach Jasmine to stick up for herself. Quick wit is not one of her strong suits, and is sometimes imperative for fending off idiots.
"Tell him it would take a real pro to know a term like that." I told her
She looked a little confused "I don't get that." She said.
"Well, it means that he'd have to masterbate a lot to know the word masterbator. That way everyone would start laughing at him instead of you." I explained.
"Oh, ok. Good. That's funny." She said. " I just don't now what 'masterbate' means."
"You don't?" I was shocked. The kid just got a 90 on her health test who's major topic was "Wet Dreams - what are they?"
"No," she said earnestly "I really don't."
This put me at a major impass. I was terrified at the thought of explaining it to her, but if I don't she was likely to ask one of her friends. And let's face it, her friends are all idiots. So I took a deep breath, and layed it all out for her. With as few details as possible, of course. By the time I was done, we had arrived at her friend's place.
"Oh my God, that's disgusting. I'm going in to get her now." She avoided looking at me and practically ran from the car.
Some times the most horrifing thing about parenthood are the truths you have to tell your kids, and how much joy you take in grossing them out.
posted by Jenn @ 6:23 PM
9 Comments:
I was pretty sure that this was covered in her health class so I thought she knew. Oh man, I never pictured myself explaining that one!
HAHAA!!! OMG I have no idea how you did it. I think I would have crawled under a rock. But then again, when I was about your daughter's age, I had to learn about sex in the public library by looking at books.
M~
I'm just glad that we have three girls and no boys... I don't want to participate in these conversations...
That's it honey, bury your head in the sand.
Your last line has me snorting!!! Right on for stepping up to the plate and telling it like it is.
I don't even know what to say to this, I can't beleive that she is of this age where she has to know this stuff!
Boy they grow to quick!
Well good job on telling her the "facts of life" at least she has the truth and not a bunch of stories from her friends.
Cindy
Oh my goodness. Poor you, having to go through that discussion. Not too surprising she hadn't learned it in class though...I bet the teacher is nervous they'll get sued by parents for teaching kids about 'bating. Stupid lawsuit-happy USA!
Let's just say that's a coversation I never thought I'd have!
OMG! You are so right....isn't it f-u-n...that's fun with a capital F...grossing them out!
My son is still in therapy because I said the word "penis" at dinner....10 years ago!
:) Diane
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