Monday, January 30, 2006

Believe it or not, you've come to this town to get an education!

Let me preface this post by saying I am in no way a perfect parent. But I have learned a few things along the way that I would like to share. Here it goes:

Teach your kids to appreciate their education. Not everyone can afford to go away to college, they should feel grateful that they can.

Teach your kids that when they do go away to college, they will be living in someone else's hometown not a "college" town. They will be in a place where people raise their families and live their lives. Respect that.

Teach your kids to have fun responsibly. Wandering the streets at night, drunk and looking for stuff to do is not a good thing.

And the most important thing of all:

Teach your kids respect other people's property.

This is the second time someone has done this to one of our cars.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I've been voted off the island!

It is now official - I am the Bad Momma. So bad, in fact, that my oldest would like me to go on Wife Swap. For those of you who've never seen the show or *shudder* no tv, Wife Swap is a show where you trade your mom for two weeks for another. The drawback is that you don't get to pick the new wife/mom, the show picks her for you, sometimes with horrific results.

I'm sure you're wondering what vile, heinous act I committed that would cause my daughter to want to rid herself of me ? Here it is - I limited her computer time. Before you commence with the stone throwing hear me out. The girl was spending hours and hours on Instant Messaging. She was getting sore wrists from all the typing and backaches from being hunched over the screen for so long. She may have stopped breathing for long stretches, it's hard to be sure because she was so quiet. So conversations have been going something like this the past couple of days:

Her: Butit'sfunandIlikeitanditgivesmesomethingtodosowhyisitsobad?!

Me: Chocolate with almonds is great, and I like it, but I can't eat it all the time because that wouldn't be good for me, right?"

Her: I hate almonds. There's nothing else to do.

Me: You could read, or play with your sisters...

That's where I stop because I can see her tuning me out.

I have given her two hours a day to use the computer which is an hour more than my husband thought she should get. Her friends don't have limits which is making this even harder. Most of them don't have any supervision either because one popped up with a swastika logo next to his name. Idiot. My girl is naive, so she had no idea what it was. And it's the naivete that scares me because of all the internet predators out there.

So the limit stands. I mentioned the idea of using extra computer minutes as rewards for good test grades or chores. She perked right up at that thought. It looks there may be hope on the horizon for our precious young lass. As for Wife Swap, I'm hoping not to be shipped out. But if I do have to go, I'm hoping for a house with a maid and live in nanny!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Presents, Cake, and Amoxicillin

We had Lila's friends over this weekend for her fifth birthday. It was a nice time. There were several no shows, but that actually made the group easier to manage. They did crafts, games, and whacked the guts out of an overstuffed Strawberry Shortcake Pinata. They also had a Barbie cake that Lila's Nanny made for her. It was a good time.

And today, both my girls have ear infections. I hope we didn't pass it around, or maybe it was passed to us, who knows? But at the risk of pulling a Martha, here's an insider trading tip for you- invest in CVS or Walgreens. I think they will be pulling in some extra scripts sometime soon.

Friday, January 13, 2006

And the Winner is.........


Baby Girl now has a fever and runny nose.

Ok, who owes me money?

A Quick Note of Thanks....

I just wanted to quickly thank NUGGET for sparing mine and Lila's lives today. You see, Lila and I walk to school every day. And every day we wait patiently at the crosswalk for someone to stop and let us cross. Today, after waiting for three or four cars to pass, a nice man stopped for us. NUGGET was behind this nice man and apparently had many important things to do today. So important that he actually he veered around the car stopped at the crosswalk so he could keep going. Thankfully, he saw me and my five year old in the middle of the street and decided to wait his turn.

So, thank you NUGGET for letting us live.

You asshole.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Cough,sneeze, tissue please!

It was bound to happen. With more preschoolers out than in these days, in was just a matter of time. Poor Lila is sick. Fever, cough, general malaise. We'll be lying around today watching movies and wiping her nose.

Now, who wants to lay down money on how fast the babe gets this? I've got a five spot on Friday. Anyone?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Why did I ask?

Lila goes flying through the kitchen and into the bathroom.

Me: You ok, bud?

L: Yeah, I just need a tissue.

Me: Runny nose?

L: No.

Me: Why else would you need a tissue?

L: Giant Boogers!

Me: Ewww.

Exit Lila, stage left.

If I didn't steal the damn grapes to begin with....

"Ah more, Mama?"

We're cruising through the grocery store and Violet is eating grapes we haven't paid for yet.

"Here you go, babe." I hand her two more.

"Thank you!" She says back in a sweet little sing-song voice.

Then we get to the register and it all goes bad the moment I hand the bag of grapes to the cashier.

"NOOOOO MINE!! MAMAAAAAAAAA!" Violet is doing her trade mark squeel. It's a new character trait of hers that none of us are fond of.

"Babe, we have to pay for them. You can have them right back."

"NOOOOOO!!!" More squeeling. The people behind us are giving me looks. The cashier is giving me looks. Even the old lady searching for the Pal Mals looks up.

I smile at the cashier. "She likes grapes" I say with shrug. I take my change and scramble for a few more grapes so we can leave. At the car, Violet wants her pen and paper at the exact moment I'm trying to buckle her in the carseat.

"I write Mama! I write!"

"Yes babe, I just need to buckle you in first." I'm struggling to get her arm through the strap.

"OW! OW! Mama! No!"

Now the cart kid is eyeballing me, I'm sure wondering what on earth I'm doing to the poor baby. After some more screaming and shoving I finally manage to get her in and situated with her paper and pen and we're off for home. I hate when we're the center of attention at the grocery store. All that staring, they probably think I beat her or something. Well, in their defense, I did bring her in looking like this:

She fell off the kitchen chair, I swear!
Err..I think we should just stay home for awhile.