Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Conversations with Lila

Lila: Do you know that caveman?
Me: What caveman?
Lila: I think his name is Fred.
Me: Caveman Fred....Fred Flintstone?
Lila: Yeah, him. Why is he always saying "Yibba Yibba Yibba"?
Me: It's "Yabba Dabba Doo!". It's his happy noise. Kind of like saying Woohoo, or Yee Haw!
Lila: Oh. That's a little weird.

Lila: I don't get Miss Piggy.
Me: What do you mean?
Lila: Well, why is she always in a dress and wearing make up and jewlery and stuff.
Me: Because she's very fabulous.
Lila: Pigs belong on farms.
Me: Miss Piggy is way to pretty to live on a farm!
Lila: Pigs aren't allowed in the house. They live in mud.
Me: I wouldn't let Miss Piggy hear you say that. She'd get you with one of her karate chops - Hiya!
Lila: Really?
Me: Really. She can be a little mean sometimes.
Lila: I don't like her.
Me: I have to work today, so you're going to go to Nanny's after school.
Lila: Great!
Me: Now when you come home from school I want you to make a healthy choice for snack. Something good for your body.
Lila: Ok, I'll have some chips and some juice and two cookies.
Me: Those aren't really healthy things. How about some apples, bananas, peanutbutter toast, a bowl of cereal would be a good choice.
Lila: Ok. I'll have a bowl of cereal. But can Nanny chop up a chocolate bar and put that on top?
Me: *Sighhhh*
*Ed. Note- If asked, my mom would totally chop up a candy bar and put it on her cereal. No questions asked.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

There's another one in April!

The Thursday of a school vacation week is brutal. Almost over, but not quite done. The toys are boring, we've had sleepovers, been to sleepovers, worked on school projects, blew all the quarters in our change jar at the arcade, had playdates, built forts. We're sick of looking at each, sick of tv (well, I'd like to watch Oprah, but heaven forbid..). I was hoping to win Powerball so we could all go on a nice vacation this week. So much for that. We really need some more stuff to do in this town. An indoor playground would be great, a children's museum....anything. We only have one car so we can't really get to far away, hubby needs to get to and from work and all.

There will be a break in the monotony today. I've been called into work for a few hours to help out, so everyone will be going to Nanny's! They will watch tv, play toys, and eat snacks. For some reason this will all be way more fun at her house than ours. Jasmine also has a friend sleeping over. That will get us to Friday. Maybe my sister in law would love to drive us all to Chuckee Cheese? Come on crappy pizza and video games! Let's go!

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Party Time

So Jasmine came to me to announce that she had been invited to a birthday party. One of her friends was having a sleep over with a bunch of girls. They were going to head over on a Friday after school and spend the night. Great, sounds like fun. This Friday rolls around and Jasmine announces that she has since been UNinvited to the party. Seems that the birthday girl had invited too many friends and her mom told her shorten the list. Three girls, including Jasmine, were asked not to attend - but they are invited to stop by after school to drop off their gift. Just as long as they don't stay for the party.

Yeah, right. Hold your breath Miss Manners, we'll be right there.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


Nevermind the kid, I'm never going to survive Middle School.

Kitchen Olympics

All was well when I last left the scene of the crime. Violet was nicely seated at her snack table in the middle of the kitchen. She was eating her toast and raisins. Lila was sitting the computer, eating a sandwich and playing a game. Peace and harmony.

"I'm just going to run upstairs and put some laundry away girls." I said.

"Alright Mama." They said in unison.

I put one basket away and went to the stairs "You guys alright?" I yelled.

"Yeah, we're fine." Lila called back

"Ahright!" Little Violet chimed.

I started the second basket when I heard *Beep Beep Beeeeep*. "Geez," I was thinking "that sounds like the microwave." I headed back downstairs to see what was up.

The kitchen looked like the monkeys from Jumanji had been there. Toast and raisins were everywhere. The crusts from Lila sandwich were on the floor under her chair and she was making her own chocolate milk. The snack table was pushed aside and Violet had pushed her chair to the counter and was setting the microwave for 10 minutes. The smell emanating from inside of it suggested it had been run for atleast two or three already. This had to atleast qualify for a speed record. I was gone, maybe, seven minutes.

"What have you guys been doing?!" I asked them.

Baby girl answered first with a resounding "Nahying!"

Lila agreed with Violet "Yeah, nothing. Just eating breakfast."

I was going to point out that when most people are just eating breakfast it doesn't require a hose and an elephant broom, but I had the feeling that idea would be lost on these two. So I'm giving the Gold and Silver medals to Violet and Lila (respectively) for speed piggyness and the ability to make their Momma sigh.


Sunday, February 12, 2006

That Tooth Fairy better stop at the ATM

Lila has found herself a new way to earn money:

If nothing else, she's resourceful!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Who knew PBS could be a bad influence?

Lila and I were driving home from the video store last night. She had just rented a movie with her own money - a whole $2.00 - when she pipes up from the back seat "I know a way to get more money."

"Really, how?" I asked. Secretly, I was starting to swell with pride. My little baby was going to do some chores and earn her money. She'd pick up a few toys, maybe wash the kitchen table or windows. It didn't matter, she was learning the value of hard work. What a smart girl.

"Well," she starts "First I need to get a dress and cut some holes in it, then I have to stand on a corner and say (affecting a falsetto) 'Oh dear, I haven't any money. Whatever will I do?!' "

"Lila Grace! Where on earth did you get an idea like that?" I'm really trying to be stern and not laugh.

"On Arthur. DW did it." She says

"That's a cartoon, and you're a real girl. That idea is not safe or honest. You need to find a different way to earn money." I tell her.

"It would work." She says, a little disapointed.

Smart girl, indeed.

Monday, February 06, 2006


"I'm nervous."

It's Friday night, the first "dress up" dance of the year, and Jasmine and I are sitting in the car in front of the middle school.

"You look great!" I tell her. "Why are you nervous?"

"Nobody else is wearing a green dress. They're all wearing pink or red." She's scanning the throng of kids that have assembled in front of the cafeteria door. It's not really true, I can see several girls in blue, black, purple, all sorts of colors. Jazz had her heart set on a pink dress but we just couldn't find one anywhere. We got a beautiful green flowery dress made from a nice gauzy fabric. It looks great on her.

"I'm not ready to go in yet." She says, still staring at the crowd that is growing thicker by the minute.

"Ok, we'll just wait here awhile." I try to lighten her mood by giving commentary on the girls that teeter by our car on their very high heels. "Ug, those shoes are going to give her blisters. Hey look- that girl's wearing leopard print!"

"I don't see any of my friends, why did I come?" Most of this anxiety has been caused by these so called friends. They told her they were all wearing pink and that she'd stand out in her green dress. One even went so far as to say she didn't like the dress at all. Middle school is all about conformity. Individualism is kin to ostracism.

"Jazz, you look good. You're going to have a great time once you get in there." I have to bite my tongue to keep from telling her to call me if she wants to come home early. She knows she can, but I don't want to give her the out. She can do this.

A few more minutes go by, and we talk about what the girls are wearing as they walk by our car ("What's with that dress? It's not a prom. Ooh- cute shoes! Am I the only one with a purse?").
Then she finally sees some one she knows.

"I know her! I'm going in now, bye!" In a wisp of organza she jumps from the car and runs after her friend. Nerves gone, or atleast at bay for the moment.

I drive home alone and think about when Jasmine came to live with us. She was three and had been left with strangers by her mother, who never came back for her. She had been living in a car and her nutrition was beyond poor. She needed to be taught everything- potty training, table manners, how to sleep in a bed. She was so little and helpless then. Now she's wearing heels, make up, and slow dancing at a semi formal. I swear to god it all happened in blink of an eye.

She's growing up, and there's no stopping it.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

The Violet Tornado

I pulled this stuff out of the VCR today. It works much better now! And while I was doing that, baby girl spread crumpled up Frosted Shredded Mini Wheats across the kitchen and living room floors. And as I sit here typing, all the books are flying off the bookshelf. I'm going to be busy today.